After all the stuff that went down in my last post…
I still am tryin to do me but at the same time get my lady back , and the only thing i could think of is i have to show how that i can make on my own and support myself as well as her . Which was great motavation . At this point i beg to talk with her in person and wasnt taking no for a answer. I had so many questions and so much to say to this gerl . We stayed outside in her yard talkin till around 400 in the morning and by then i thought we were gonna be ok . That weekend we went out on a night on the town we Had the best time we ever had in the 2 and a half years we were together . We even cryed together while we held each other at penns landing until like 2 somthing in the morning but they were tears of happiness from me and her. We both felt the same way so i asked her back out , and then we were back together! 3 days later i think everything is ok and its the day of her birthday . I bought ballons flowers had money to take her out the whole nine….She comes out of nowhere and tells me she dont want shyt do with me, she never wants to see me again and to never call her.
I couldnt do nothing but look at her and just cry like a lil bitch and walk away with my head down. I never was expecting it . It felt like she built me up jus to whatch me Break down like she hurt me on so many diffrent levels it was jus crazy i felt like jus commiting suicide and foreal foreal the only reason i didnt is because , and this is REAL RAP , is because i knew if i were dead that someone else would eventually walk in her life and i couldnt let that happen not alive nor dead not even now.
Luckly i had muh boys who were steady smokin me up for free and wow was i grateful because i was on a non stop emotional rollercoaster and when i smoked i jus chilled and talked about other things other then her. believe me if ne one woulda saw the way i was …shyt i looked in the miror at work and felt bad for my own damn self! Lets put it that way.
So by now i am close to 2 months away from our break up. emotionaly is my head and hart still fucked up? yeah but now i can hide my feelins and work on me because it dont look to good for that sunkin ship yea get what im sayin.
right now i am THE CLEANEST , FULLIST , Homeless Person ull probly ever meet. I feel like i had to clear my head and start anew with everything….trust me I learned alot from our journey…I wont ever get hurt again. And now i am looking for a new job and a room afterwards . Ben said he can help me out but i feel like its not his respnsability not even as a best freaind , my role model , or My brother i never had. its mine. I made the coice’s that had the consequences that put me where i am now.
Well thanx for listning but i have one more thing to say:
NO ONE BETTER COMMENT THIS BLOG ON SOME DUMB ASS FEELIN SORRY BULLSHYT . I AM A MAN AND I CAN TAKE CARE OF MySELF AND I APPRECIATE THE LOVE iLL GET ATCH YALL ON A LATER DATE>>>>>>>>>>>>>