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Macho's posts

All work and no play makes little Macho a dull boy

Thursday, September 6th, 2007

It’s been a while since I posted, nothing new really going on in my life.
One thing is for sure, life is definitely not panning out how I had planned for it to.
Not in school right now, I’m actually waiting for January to come so that I can apply to become a union worker for the Local 542. It’s actually something I’ve been wanting to do for a while but wanted to do it as not a first or last resort. Its not a bad gig though, It actually deals with heavy equipment operations and engineering, and the pays great, they send you to college and everything. I figure it’d be a way to get school out and over with and still be able to build a strong financial foundation for my future when I get ready to start out on my own and maybe start a family. That last semester at school I fumble pretty bad, my GPA dropped and everything. Sad to say this is not a new experience for me, there has been instances in the past where I’ve had the same thing happen to me, life gets rough and times get hard and I focus on other things more than school and it does ultimately affect my academic performance. But I’ll bounce back just like I’ve done in the past, I just get frustrated because it gets to be a bit repetitive at times. Like taking two steps forward and three steps back.
In the mean time I’m still working for Transit Aide I’ve been there for about 9 months already, I hate it lol. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a day other than a Sunday off.(Everyone knows that there’s nothing to do on a Sunday) This job is too demanding and soooooo not rewarding. And it’s like I could just say screw it and leave but then again I can’t, because although I should be making more money than I am currently (I think so anyway), the money that I do make allows me to provide for my family. Its like I can’t say no when it comes to helping out my family with anything, selflessness sucks ass. Sometimes it feels like I work for nothing, I’ll spend over forty hours a week working and at the end of that week when bills and family is taken care of I have a few dollars that I have to stretch out to get me through the week. I can’t remember the last time I really spoiled myself and just blew my money on me. Out of everyone in the family I have the least amount of clothes, can’t remember the last time I went out and just bought me a whole outfit (Fitted hat, sneakers, nice shirt or fresh white T, or new jeans), and went out to a club or something and enjoyed myself, sometimes I feel unhappily married with no wife and no kids. I know it sounds crazy but thats how I feel. I just can’t bare to see anyone I love in need of anything, and not do anything about it,I’d rather be without before I let one of them be without.
Summer’s over now, thank god, my summer sucked anyways. All I did was work, which is all I ever do anyways, or avoided drama trying to make it to the next day. This summer was depressing, now that Philly seems to be the murder capital on the east coast. Makes you not wanna go out anymore, I know what a bullet sounds like when it whizzes by your ear, it sounds like a bumble bee if your close enough, so in a way my boredom is a blessing in a sense that I’m not out with the risk of not coming back home. I thought I was a goner this summer myself, to make a long story short I had a disagreement with someone on someone else’s behalf and got a big ass shot gun pulled on me, which made me madder by the way because I know I would’ve kicked his ass if the gun never came into play.
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This right here was the funnest time I had all summer and it didn’t come till the end of the summer, the family planned a trip to six flags and it was my mom, bebop,mimi, neddy, and my lil cousin daisy, dewey, and two of bebop’s friends who originally planned to go, and bebop called and convinced me to call out a day from work to “enjoy life” so I did (even though I spent a shit load of money I was saving, go figure lol)
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Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Macho's posts

Reflection

Thursday, May 24th, 2007

Staring into an empty mirror, where my reflection should be.
A dark and cold, empty room is all that my eyes can see.
Pondering what is happening I close my eyes and count to ten.
Now nothing is what I see.
A future unforseen, years past and souls lost,
leaving behind pleanty of shattered dreams.
The mirror is a symbol, a window into my soul.
Where memories float, feelings linger, and experiences fortify my being as a whole.
My situation is like a constant near death experience, yet longer lasting and so much worse.
Shit that happened in the past, plays in front of me like a movie.
The only difference is theres no dramatisms, this shit is oh so real.
The same pain I fealt back then, courses through my body,
The funny thing is back then certain events were so crazy they seemed to be surreal.
Not now, for that matter not then.
Till this day I grow numb, waiting for old wounds to mend.
After a while I start to warm up, and see my reflection again.
I guess its my soul, tellin my mind that one of those old wounds completed to mend.
and my spirit made peace with ghosts from my past.

Macho's posts

Update on Macho 5-24-07

Thursday, May 24th, 2007

Me and Bebop

Well as you all can see by her cap,dunno where her gown went in this one, SHE DID IT!!!! My big sis graduated from WCU West Chester University on May 12th 2007. Im am sooo proud of her we all are. She has become the first in our family to graduate from college, I know it was a long four years for her, but she stuck it out didn’t give up and she prevailed.

all of us dining and celebrating after the graduation ceremony

As you can see we all showed our support for her at the graduation ceremony and at dinner. As far as I go……..well you know how they say everybody has a sucky semester some where along the road to being a post graduate, well i think its pretty safe to say I’ve spent my bad semester. I’m glad that my family,well some of my family, are supportive of me and aren’t being judgemental over the fact. More consoling than grief is always helpful. I would have to say that the reason I did so bad is because this was my first semester workin full-time and I guess its a lot harder than it looks, kind of embarrassing though when pretty much the whole time my older sister Belinda was in school she held out two or three jobs and school at a time. I’m not blaming alll of it on work though, there are some things I could’ve done differently, but I know better for future reference.
School is over now and I plan on making the best of my summer ahead and try to have some sort of fun, to make up for some time lost, or spent I should say working. As far as my family goes……Mom is still one of the most supporting and guiding figures I am still blessed with, My sister Jacinda is slowly but surely taking steps forward to build her future, My younger sister Kimber AKA “baby girl” is getting ready to graduate this June and elevate to a higher plain of education and I am confident in her talent to shine and ability to adapt, and as for my little brother, he’s getting ready to experience high school for himself.

Macho's posts

Pretty sucky

Friday, March 9th, 2007

The Education Law Center, Good Schools Pennsylvania (GSPA), and the Education Policy and Leadership Center (EPLC) are leading The Pennsylvania Education Funding Reform Campaign. This campaign will advocate for a state finance system that provides all children with the resources needed for an excellent public education. The results could lead to significant legislative changes in the inequitable funding formula the state uses now. First Person is pleased to support this effort by participating in the Campaign’s Share Your Stories effort.

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My name is Mario, not your average eighteen year old (going to be nineteen soon) born, raised and still living in North Philadelphia. I went to Kensington High School (International School of Business), and am currently enrolled as a full-time student at Community College of Philadelphia. I work full-time as well, currently for a Para-transit company by the name of Transit Aid Inc.

Going through high school in an urban area requires a lot of patience. The classroom sizes are too small, and the lunches should only be served to axe murderers, gang bangers, and your average inmate as punishment. There were fights, the occasional bomb scares, and unorganized fire drills.

The school itself was okay. The main building was always too hot in the summer, too cold in the winter. It smelled musky, the water fountains spit out warm water that tasted like copper, and computers outside of the computer lab were scarce. The newer annex building had a better gym, working water fountains, and central heating and cooling.

Dances were a rarity. The school called them privileges. We usually had to have fundraisers and outside assistance for them, and they usually turned out pretty sucky anyway. Field trips were pretty rare too. Our graduation trip wasn’t anything to scream for either. We made it nice by having fun together as a senior class but it was bad was hearing about other schools going out of state for their school trips to amusement parks, other cities, staying in hotels, the whole nine yards.

We had baseball and softball, basketball, soccer, a bowling team, wrestling, even bowling, but no football. We never had a football squad. I asked about it once and was told that we didn’t have the sufficient funding for it, which I think is a sin. Aside from having an okay sports program, our equipment sucked pretty badly. The weight room looked like it came straight out of a bad news bear catalogue, and we had to travel to practice, and use a public recreational field, because we didn’t have a field of our own.

Imagining a situation where we had more school funding gives a prettier picture of what my high school experience would’ve been overall. More resources would’ve been available, educational or otherwise.

Macho's posts

Thanksgiving *What I’m Thankful for*

Friday, November 24th, 2006

I realize that one thing we all take forgranted at one time or another is our family, well not so much take them forgranted but, we don’t stop often enough to reflect on how much of any inspiration, strength, and even an influence on our lives. Every Year I learn throughout the course of the year new things about each of my family members. My Mom, who for a good seventeen years, just seemed to be a mom, she acted as a mom should, thought like a mom should and there was no more to it than that. I started to see my mother in a different light in these recent few months. Shes very wise, thinks very deeply and uses some of her idle time to reflect on certain subjects that are important to her and then posts them on a BLOG, well I started reading the BLOGS and It really opened my eyes. I started to see my mother as not just a mother but a like minded individual who has a passion for observation and self expression. I guess it showed me why I’m such a deep thinker and why I appreciate philosophy and poetry and mental stimulation. I get it all from my mother. My father whom I saw as just a stuborn, and bitter at times, individual who only thinks of himself. He doesn’t just think of himself, he just bottles his feelings up like I do and sees showing emotion as a sign of vulnerability and weakness, just as I do. My oldest sister Belinda, who has a passion for learning, and a drive for success, and also has a very strong personality which may come off as very stubborn some times. I learned or I guess you could say I tried to emulate that and it sort of just stuck with me. My second oldest sister Jacinda, she has such a passion for life and an infinite love for family, shes faced many hardships, some of which I can relate to, but like always has perserveerd, and pushed forward refusing to let a few misfortunes bring her down. I admire that most about her and I know that if she has the strength to do so with her head held high then I too can do so. My little Brother and Sister, Kimber and Nathaniel, who make the family proud despite their mis haps. They are stubborn and thick headed like their older kin but take something from everyone of us and puts their own twists on each trait to make it their own. They inspire me to set a good example for them, so that they may avoid hardships the rest of us have befalled in the past. And last but by no means the least, “Mi Abuelita” my grandmother, the matriarch of the family. She has never lost faith in anyone in the family and takes care of everyone in her own way, this is the reason faith still resides in me, because she hasn’t ever lost hers. I love her and my mother equally unconditionally and believe that they are my true angels here on earth. It is all of these people in my immediate family and my everyday life that I am thankful for. I could go on and on but eventually there would have to be an end, and this is mine. Anyone who I forgot knows very well what they give me and how much I love them and I am thankful for everyone who loves and supports me.
These are my blessings and Whom I give most thanks for year in and year out.

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