First Person

I’ve been spending the months post graduation recovering from the 2years of nursing school I put myself though lol and now I’m getting antsy. Time to perk up the ol’ resume and get out there and get a JOB. Sounds so…… adult……like lol.

so a lots been going on in my little world so i must say the semester i spent taking piano and art at community after graduation was much needed. I think its time to be a nurse now though.

I’ll keep you posted on my job hunt and resume status
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-all my love Likk Likk

I am terrified to make the wrong decisions I feel like all these years i have had a clear idea of what i wanted and how i was getting there. I’m scared to make the wrong move because I know the next moves I make will determine my future completely. I have prided myself in thinking things through and weighing the pro’s and cons of things but i feel like the older I become the less sure I am.

I graduated Nursing school passed my boards Yay go me! I have my nursing diploma I’m a few credits and a transfer short of a BSN. But I am really unsure of what my next moves should be. these past 2 years of nursing school everything that could of happened in my little world did happen and it has changed the way I look at people… situations…my family…people i called friends ect. Highschool was no walk in the park but sometimes i wish i could go back because that drama as intense as it felt is no comparison to the crap thats going on in my little word now.

I feel ill prepared for life like all those years i was living in my bubble everyone else was learning the do’s and don’t of life and im stumbling getting bumped and bruised as i go. I’m to a point where I am afraid to do anything because i’ve been hurt and burned so much…..

usually when i feel like this another angel is sent to me to dust me off…..
and steer me right…….

I need that…..more than ever

I spent practically my whole life in school waiting for the moment that I would be old enough and wise enough to work in a career helping people. Last night I graduated from nursing school and I still don’t think it’s all hit me yet. I was looking forward to that cleansing sigh of relief knowing that now things would be easier I wouldn’t have to catch a hour bus ride up to school stay up long hours finishing clinical paperwork, walk up the hill to school past the turn pike praying I wouldn’t be splashed with muck on my walk…..But it’s bitter sweet, life isn’t at all what I thought it would be………..and though I’ve reached this milestone I feel more confused now than before this journey began ……I have no idea whats next.

life has thrown me curveball after curveball and I’m bruised………….. I’ve never been so tired in my life that no nap can relieve. I reflect back on that list I made when i was five and there are still so many things left to do….and I have no clue where to begin….
I’m unemployed….. I have no car…..no job…. no license…..no man……..( LOL @ that last part) and no idea what im supposed to do now….
I want to be a midwife but where do I start? what school is next? (the thought of going back makes me want to cry………. Nursing school was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through in my life)

There aren’t a lot of midwifery programs out there ( only one here in Philadelphia that I know of) and my family dynamic doesn’t really permit me to move out of state or live on my own…..
Stress isn’t a big enough word to describe how I feel……

First person has been a blessing in that i am able to reflect on those moments in my life and see myself..high school graduation was kinda the same I swore I would have it figured out by now…….
I feel like i did then…lol only now I have a few more job options ( I won’t have to join the circus….I hope…. LOL) however from what i hear the job market for nurses is not that great right now and most hospitals are looking for bsn….

but what brings me peace is knowing that even in the momemts when i didnt know the Most High and my ancestors placed someone in my life to guide me to the next move………..
I’ve been blessed to meet many who serve a higher power and who seek to assist those in need…..
All of this has taught me patience ………
The Story Isn’t Over Just Yet~~

Call me a hypochondriac if you want …but truth is truth nursing school is stressin’ a sister out!!!
I’ve successfully made it through year 1 &I’ve got through the first semester of year 2. The line up this year is as follows……
Critical care and Management
Psyc and Community
Ob and Peds

Critical care was…….. INsane!!! I learned a whole lot saw a whole lot and ummm …nearly had an MI (myocardial Infarction)
I think I have already fallen in love with Psyc and Community Nursing …..

all in all The most high Knows I Can’t Wait Til June 1st!!!

I’ll write another blog after I read 10 more pages of class notes …..
~Likk Likk

So I have successfully Made it through N100 and N101 and I’m in N201 Now. My Gpa is a 3.5 and I’m holding strong Please keep me in your prayers. The Most High has continued to bless me and I am ever grateful. Tonight I had the opportunity to sit in on a Lecture by Dr. Debra Toney The President of the black Nurses Association ( Yes I am a member Of the South Eastern Pennsylvania Black Nurses Association!!! Go Me!!!!) Her lecture was just the thing I needed in some ways nursing isn’t what I expected and neither is the health insurance industry but both the positive and negative experiences that I have had and seen while on clinical have reinforced my beliefs about how i think heathcare should be. I will Not stop until I have my own Wholistic Health Center. (So Shall it be written so shall it be done!)
Any way my primary reason for writing this blog was to post a blog that I intended to post in August Right after I went through Orientation for school I wrote this blog as if I were writing a chapter in the book of my life I hope you enjoy it

As I sat there in that same grey classroom that I had sat in two years ago … I realized how far i had truly come. Not even two years ago I thought for sure I’d never get into this school ….that I’d never mix in with the white wash of Abington’s Nursing school…
And I reflected on the moment when I melted in Stephanie Wroten’s arms (a complete stranger then) at the front of this very room as she told me that i could do it…. that all hope wasn’t lost …I could still be a nurse… despite the course life put me through. In this moment I am grateful ….so grateful. “I have Arrived”
Snapping back to reality sucking back the tears of pride and love and appreciation realizing now that I am on the road to nursing ready now to embrace the future I have always wanted

I scribbled this into the memo pad they gave us at orientation …at times it seems like time is moving way too slow and graduation can’t come quick enough …through and through i am grateful for the journey and the people who I have crossed paths with who have opened doors for me and I am grateful for those who have come to me looking for me to open those same doors for them.

I will do my best to keep you up to speed on my progress if any of you out there have an Nclex study book I’ll take it!
Peace and love family
-Malikka