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Archive for December, 2007

Now I Overstand

Friday, December 14th, 2007

I’m really starting to believe what my mind has always been saying
….it really does matter where you come from….because that always
determines where your going….
my year at ccp has been extremely hard the most unimaginable things
have happened both within my family and personal life…everything from

death violation betrayal guilt anguish exhaustion emptyness and debt
you name it has been following me since I began shool……
I guess this is what being an adult means….
I now understand what it feels like to lose all control
i thought I had the tightest grasp I could have on my life to protect
myself from its evils …but that has proved other wise
I just feel alone sad and broke and stupid for not following my heart
in the beginning
I came to ccp against my will and I hate myself!!
I hate shool!!!!!
this must be what it was like for my friends who went to neighborhood
high schools…..this place just doesn’t care
its like the mentality is “yea….so what ….life happens” and they
expect you to pick up the pieces and ignore it all…..
I feel like im going crazy…..
I need help!!!!
Its like when your little your purity and innoscence protects you from
this feeling …the feeling that the world doesn’t have your best
interests and that everyone is out to get you…..
I spent the summer and the majority of this semester trying to get my
grade changed from last semester to a D so that I would be out of the
RED just enough to enroll this semester…..
my GPA jumped from a 1.6 to a wopping 1.8 just enough to get me almost
enough $$ to enroll this fall …the other portion I borrowed…my book
money …I borowed…yea Im in loan shark debt…on the small scale…
…WHY IS LIFE SO DIFFICULT??
(to be continued)

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