Felt bad for my own damn self (continued)
After all the stuff that went down in my last post…
I still am tryin to do me but at the same time get my lady back , and the only thing i could think of is i have to show how that i can make on my own and support myself as well as her . Which was great motavation . At this point i beg to talk with her in person and wasnt taking no for a answer. I had so many questions and so much to say to this gerl . We stayed outside in her yard talkin till around 400 in the morning and by then i thought we were gonna be ok . That weekend we went out on a night on the town we Had the best time we ever had in the 2 and a half years we were together . We even cryed together while we held each other at penns landing until like 2 somthing in the morning but they were tears of happiness from me and her. We both felt the same way so i asked her back out , and then we were back together! 3 days later i think everything is ok and its the day of her birthday . I bought ballons flowers had money to take her out the whole nine….She comes out of nowhere and tells me she dont want shyt do with me, she never wants to see me again and to never call her.
I couldnt do nothing but look at her and just cry like a lil bitch and walk away with my head down. I never was expecting it . It felt like she built me up jus to whatch me Break down like she hurt me on so many diffrent levels it was jus crazy i felt like jus commiting suicide and foreal foreal the only reason i didnt is because , and this is REAL RAP , is because i knew if i were dead that someone else would eventually walk in her life and i couldnt let that happen not alive nor dead not even now.
Luckly i had muh boys who were steady smokin me up for free and wow was i grateful because i was on a non stop emotional rollercoaster and when i smoked i jus chilled and talked about other things other then her. believe me if ne one woulda saw the way i was …shyt i looked in the miror at work and felt bad for my own damn self! Lets put it that way.
So by now i am close to 2 months away from our break up. emotionaly is my head and hart still fucked up? yeah but now i can hide my feelins and work on me because it dont look to good for that sunkin ship yea get what im sayin.
right now i am THE CLEANEST , FULLIST , Homeless Person ull probly ever meet. I feel like i had to clear my head and start anew with everything….trust me I learned alot from our journey…I wont ever get hurt again. And now i am looking for a new job and a room afterwards . Ben said he can help me out but i feel like its not his respnsability not even as a best freaind , my role model , or My brother i never had. its mine. I made the coice’s that had the consequences that put me where i am now.
Well thanx for listning but i have one more thing to say:
NO ONE BETTER COMMENT THIS BLOG ON SOME DUMB ASS FEELIN SORRY BULLSHYT . I AM A MAN AND I CAN TAKE CARE OF MySELF AND I APPRECIATE THE LOVE iLL GET ATCH YALL ON A LATER DATE>>>>>>>>>>>>>
September 16th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Dear Fresh
I recently had the opportunity to see the film because we are hosting a screening in Philadelphia. I want to encourage you to focus on doing you and try to hang with positive people. The mere fact that you have not given up is truly a blessing! I hope that you can pursue your dream of becoming a nurse but more importantly focus on doing what you want to do, not what you want to be! Please know that your story is not disappointing but rather encouraging to others because they can see that there are other people out there just like them. As the President and Founder of Teenagers In Charge, a non-profit mentoring organization for and about teens, I often meet young people like yourself from all walks of life along with the other peers that were shown in the film. Always remember, it not where you from, it’s where you end up. If you can think about what you really want to do focus your energy there because it is ultimately up to you. If I can be of help in any way, please let me know. Continue to strive for excellence and may God bless you and keep you is my prayer.
Until next time, stay balanced and walk in peace…
Ms. Judy
September 25th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Fresh! I was impressed by your focus shown in the film shown on TV tonight, September 25, 2008. I could understand how you got your GED; you had to get away so you didn’t succumb to the streets. It is amazing how much cash drug dealing brings. I don’t have to tell you that it attracts death, too.
Please keep up the good work, stick to your goals. Teenagers In Charge sounds like a caring organization. Another good place to hook up is Upward Bound Math & Science at Temple U. There is also Upward Bound, about college in general. I know you worked with food. Do you have an interest in food and health? I am a registered dietitian who has reached out to middle and high school students about college and careers in nutrition and dietetics. Perhaps you should consider majoring in this field?
Community College of Philadelphia has at least three registered dietitians teaching there. Speak with them and map out how you can earn your science credits and transfer to Drexel, LaSalle, West Chester U., Immaculata U. to complete your Bachelor’s Degree. If you go to LaSalle’s CUP program, you can become a registered dietitian in 4 years.
You would be a great Big Brother. Maybe you can find one of your own, one who has gone to college! This way, you won’t just overhear college students at the restaurant. Earn these college credentials and see if you aren’t accepted! Best of luck.
September 28th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
First Person was a wake-up call. I grew up in Philly and went to a Philadelphia public high school, but it looks like things have certainly changed since my time. For instance, I can speak and write English - something nobody in the film could manage.
These six kids think that college is a key to their success, and were swept up in the notion that people are somehow entitled to attend. Most of these kids couldn’t even form a complete sentence. With the *possible* exception of the one who wants to become a nurse, none of these kids has any future. This may sound harsh, but when there are a limited number of resources to go around, why waste any more on these black wholes of ignorance?
First we have “Fresh” - a ghetto punk who wants to be a cop someday and also tries to sign up to be a Big Brother. Wanting to attend Temple, he drops out of high school to work at Shoprite. Despite this obvious genius, he was never admitted to the Big Brothers program.. Oh, and according to this very blog, he’s still 100% committed to being a ghetto punk. For the sake of the rest of us, I hope his dream to be a cop is never realized.
Next we have Kurtis. Oh, where to begin.. Thankfully, this human filth is already in prison, serving a 20-40 year sentence for shooting a student in the head. It would have happened eventually anyway, but the timing was perfect for this film. With luck, he will commit more crimes in prison and be separated from the rest of us for as long as he breathes our precious air.
Then there is “Macho,” who was enrolled in an advanced college prep program at Community College of Philadelphia. Falling in line with the rest of the kids, he failed out of that program and found himself back in high school. I don’t remember whether or not he actually graduated. But he certainly didn’t make it to college.
“Malikka” seemed like the one closest to average intelligence. But don’t be too impressed, she was near the bottom of her class with a 2.6 GPA. She wants to be a nurse. For the benefit of sick people everywhere, I sincerely hope that never happens. Denied attendance at Temple, she somehow managed to get into Drexel. But without adequate funds, she went to Community College instead. To her credit, Malikka seemed the least likely to become a criminal.
The only other girl in this film is “Shalisa.” Shalisa wanted to go to Temple also, but to accomplish this she stopped going to class. One of her teachers was interviewed and let us know that she had never seen Shalisa in her class. Shalisa’s mother talked about her experiences on “the street” and how much she wanted Shalisa to graduate. Shalisa had many young sisters and no father(s) to be seen. She also became pregnant before graduation, continuing in her mother’s footsteps. She will not be attending Temple.
Last is Steve. Steve also wanted to attend Temple, and also thought he could accomplish this by not going to class. Good job, Steve. In the film, his father correctly tells us that Steve isn’t very smart and won’t make anything of himself. If only Steve’s father could have spoken to the other kids in the film.. Steve did not get into Temple.
I believe that these kids truly are their own punishment. Unfortunately, they are also our punishment because we will have to support them and will be criminalized by them.
Don’t get me wrong. This is a great film. I wish it were available for purchase as I’d like to own a copy. More films like this need to be made to show how hopeless America’s youth really are. Overall, I truly support the efforts of the filmmakers, while at the same time hoping to keep as much distance as I can between the cast and myself.
November 3rd, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Love you fresh and thank you to Ms. Janet and Ms.Judith I appreciate your comments even if they weren’t for me…..phil I have to tell you I’ve read your comment over at least 3 times and each time I have to fight the urge to just say “Man you suck” but I figure why fight it….it’s a genuine emotion. I need you to understand something, just because you saw the movie doesn’t mean you know us. Just because you call yourself a philadelphian doesn’t mean you’ll ever understand our lives. Out of your whole comment I think the last few words were the truest thing you said… You’re afraid of us…I kind of like it that way….but that’s your problem your too busy running from us when you should be walking towards us……maybe you should watch the film again I don’t think you grasped the message.