Waiting on ITVS…
Fucking grant cycles. Still waiting to hear if we made it to the second round of ITVS’ Open Call. Feeling more conflicted by the day. Of course, I really want the recognition of advancing, not to mention the continued possibility of all the money they could throw our way. But the longer the wait, the more time I have to think about where I really want First Person to go. The whole reason I wanted to do this film, what has guided my approach from the beginning, was the belief that the vast majority of “inner city public education” docs are fundamentally problematic in their approach: they focus on an external
intervention in people’s lives, rather than the people themselves. These films might garner critical acclaim or go over well with audiences who naturally relate to those doing the intervening. But they fail to speak to young people, and they fail to provide young people with a resource that is valuable and meaningful in trying to figure out their own lives. Rather than providing examples of how other young people perceive the conflicts they face and how they choose to deal
with them, these documentaries inevitably reinforce a narrative about good-hearted outsiders struggling against the fucked-up circumstances of the inner city to help kids “make it out” by overcoming the supposed deficiencies of their families and communities.
In general, I can make myself feel good about trying to make a film that runs counter to this typical cliched approach. But at the end of the day, I find myself craving the support and approval of the structures that historically support all the films that I am hoping to provide an alternative to. At the end of the day, I’ve checked my email 10,000 times hoping for word from ITVS. As a first-timer, getting broadcast and distribution feels like an incredibly huge hill to climb. Before I kill myself trying to navigate the road up, I wish I could get clearer in my convictions as to whether this is even the right hill to be climbing.
